So moving on from yesterday’s post, a few pages later in the same notebook was this, a song I wrote just days before committing my life to Jesus.
I have to admit, I started writing this post, again apologising for the lack of literary (or musical) genius but you know, I felt a reprimand for that because actually I remember as I wrote it, it was like God was writing it. I just put my pen on the paper and wrote and this just flowed onto the page. So I’m not apologising for it, because if it is of God, then it’s amazing!
And as I read it now I am reminded of the place I was in. Sometimes you know what you need to do but actually making that decision is pretty big. Once I had done it, life changed forever in such amazing (and sometimes bonkers!) ways. I have never looked back…
Here I stand in the darkness
I’m wandering all alone
I look around me, trying to find
which way is home.
The one road I want to follow
I can’t see for trees
I’m nearly there, it’s in the distance,
somehow taunting me.
I want to see you, feel you, know you…
Which way am I going,
Or am I standing still?
The more I learn, the more I know
I want to climb that hill.
I feel you here, you’re all around me
if I could just be clear,
Why I’m waiting, holding back
When I should pull you near.
I want to see you, feel you, know you…
I’ve been waiting all my life
to make it through, to see the light,
Here I stand before you know,
Take my hand and show me how.
I want to see you, feel you, know you…
Your words surround me, in my bed,
when I want to sleep.
I want to feel your arms around me
Your presence I will keep
in my head and in my heart,
Until I take that step
I’m nearly there, I know it’s coming
I can’t quite let go yet
I want to see you, feel you, know you…
I want to see you, feel you, know you…
Now I can, see you, feel you, know you…
1 Comment
UKViewer
January 10, 2015 at 5:00 pmI happen to think that it's beautiful and heartfelt.
I was thinking back to yesterdays post and the response you gave to my comment.
When I tell people that I physically experience the 'absence' of God from with me, I can see their eyebrows raise in query. But somehow I'm trying to explain those dark times, when I can't 'feel or know' that God is there. I once experienced this for a couple of months, which was horrible. Prayer felt empty and arid, it was like being abandoned by someone we love and love being around and with. A kind of grief, which is unexplainable unless someone else has been through something similar.
I spent nearly a quarter of a century in that situation, but perfectly happy, not worrying about God and actually being resistant and antagonistic towards any form of organized religion – but once I accepted him back into my life, I realised what I had been missing.
That element which is deep within, which speaks with the voice of wisdom when we're drawn to the path of foolishness and sin. The one we can choose to block out and ignore, but will still be there in our conscience pricking and poking us to be more that we are without it.
I think that when we get the dark times, when we feel that absence, that our soul can become desolate and also vulnerable to temptation and worse. When I had the dark period, I kept praying, because despite the darkness, somewhere or somehow God was still reaching me past the darkness.
This is for me, the message we need to share among those who are searching for something tangible, that God is here, waiting, listening for our genuine need for him, even if it's a lament of anquish – when we're at our most vulnerable, is when he is at his closest – if we have the wit to open our minds and hearts to him, than his grace will flow into us in abundance.
I'm not saying that it's a cure for all of our ills, we have to do that for our self. But it's an opportunity to do it with his love and support.
What man proposes – God disposes perhaps.