I woke up this morning feeling rather sorry for myself. I have back problems which have been playing up and was up most of last night either coughing or with back pain. Yesterday I had decided to ‘claim back my health’! having not been running for 3 weeks with the back problems, but when I woke up today it was clear I wasn’t going running at all. So I was grumpy I’ll admit…
Anyway I thought well if nothing else I’ll go for a walk, and get all this feeling sorry for myself rubbish, off my chest. I have to admit I was holding back tears on the school run. I really was full of self-pity. Oh woe is me, never mind the hideous things other people are having to deal with. So I thought, I’ll get up on the downs, have a rant at God, get the tears out and hopefully feel a bit better.
Well I love how God has other plans.
I got out of my car on top of the South Downs and the moment I stepped out, it was like breathing in God’s peace. The tears that had been threatening to fall just weren’t there and the self-pitying anger blew away on the wind.
I didn’t walk far, can’t really at the mo, but what I did felt so blissfully peaceful. I started to pray, thinking, right I need to empty my head of all this crap, and I was like, ‘God I can’t even remember what I was going to say to you’, it was as if I had forgotten the frustration and pain, the self pity and anger. Instead I just marvelled at his amazing creation, which for an hour I had all to myself (save several hundred sheep!).
Beautiful sunshine, the wonder of new life with lambs running around everywhere, the most amazing display of yellow hammers (birds) singing and playing in the gorse, the ebb and flow of the downs themselves, the wonderful colours of the landscape, and the quiet. It was so quiet.
So, 10am and I feel like a completely different person to the one I was a few hours ago, and I didn’t even pray! It was like God saw the thoughts in my head and answered them before I voiced a single one. God is good 🙂