Sitting in my garden in the summer sunshine, there’s a gentle breeze blowing across the grass; in the next door garden I can hear the clank of spoon on bowl as they enjoy their breakfast, as we all gulp in this moment of sunshine, eager not to miss it. Inside my kids are watching old movies and my husband snoozes peacefully enjoying a lazy Saturday lie in.
I close my eyes and just feel the warmth of sun on my face. I breathe in slowly, desperately trying to still my mind, searching for something to hold on to. The sweet smell of lavender near by, the sound of a bird tweeting in a tree, the soft notes of a guitar twanging a few gardens away…
It’s almost idyllic except that my mind is in turmoil. In such stark contrast to my physical presence, my brain is processing news stories, pictures of horror, words of hate, increasing anger and xenophobia. I want to weep.
In my prayers I am saying ‘Lord why?’ I can’t voice my feelings, just can’t fathom, what is going on. I desperately whisper the name of Jesus, it’s all I can do.
The world seems to be in meltdown. I joked on Twitter that it was seemingly a bad time I had chosen to start studying the book of Revelation.
If you know the bible, it’s full of murder, hate, anger, of people making the wrong choices, of war, of death. And I don’t know, maybe the world has always been like this? Perhaps the reason it seems so awful now is partly because we are in the era of communication. We see things, hear things, literally as they happen, from the most far flung places of the world. We can be bringers of news ourselves, breaking stories as we find ourselves in them. How would it have been centuries ago, when angry dictators stormed across lands with their armies wiping out towns and villages as they forced their way into new territories, if we had Twitter? If we had had the capability to respond, to decry, to publically unite and stand against them? Would t have been different? Would our world be different now because of it?
There have always been disasters, manmade and natural. There has always been evil lurking in our hearts, waiting to be nurtured by some loving soothing voice bringing it to the fore. I know this, so why does it feel so desolate right now? So uncertain. Like everything we know and are sure of could disintegrate at any point?
I think for many it is so hard not to be sucked into the increasingly angry conversations going on. And angry they are. I heard this week, in the town where I live, swastikas had been painted on walls. I heard of being people abused in the street for the colour of the skin or their accent. And so much of this, I think, comes from fear and ignorance, comes from the whipping up of emotion in the press and in social groups. This is not going to stop any time soon.
All I can do is just turn to the one who I know is love. Who can be a comforter, who can bring peace. Because he is a comfort and it does bring peace to my mind. I cannot fathom the world, or the evil in it, but I do know Him.