So I’ve been thinking a lot about trust recently.
The word trust (or derivatives of it) appear over 200 times in the bible (I’m looking at the NRSV but let’s face it, it’s a hard word to translate another way), and the phrase ‘Trust in the Lord’ or ‘Trust in God’ appears regularly. It’s a favourite of the Psalmist, frequently declaring his trust in God, even (or often) in the face of adversity (see Psalm 31 for example).
The Oxford dictionary online definition of trust is this:
Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something…
Acceptance of the truth of a statement without evidence or investigation
(amongst other definitions)
So really, trust is black or white. There isn’t a grey in between, it’s a choice, a yes or no. Do we, do I, choose to trust God in all things? So often we say that we trust him but when we’re in a tricky situation or have a tough decision to make, we waver, we question, we doubt, we try to fix things ourselves (well, maybe that’s just me.).
As I prayed through Psalm 56 this week I’ve been thinking about that. Am I allowing trust to be in various shades of grey or am I saying YES, a big fat yes, I choose to trust?
And of course it’s not really that simple is it? If you’ve ever been let down by someone you love then trusting again can be hard. You don’t just do it, it doesn’t just happen as it once might have, you have to actively choose to trust.
But as the definition shows, trust is a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability and strength of Jesus. And an acceptance of the truth of who He is. Of course I can say I have a firm belief in the reliability, truth, strength and so on, of who Jesus is and of who He is in my life. So if I can state that and believe it, then I can choose to trust him, wholeheartedly in a black or white decision.
Psalm 56 was written as it says ‘under persecution’, in battle, and my only battle is not with military intervention but with my mind. As my head hits the pillow every night the questions and the plans start to whir around incessantly. It’s like the truth of what I am thinking is only allowed out then. So whilst I say I am trusting in Him, the reality is, underneath it all I’m still anxious, still uncertain, still questioning: why on earth would God have good and perfect plans for me?
The me who so often fails Him, who so often questions Him, who so often gets it wrong?
Well, if I can’t quite accept the truth of that ‘without evidence or investigation’, here is my evidence in Romans 5:8:
But God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us.
That is all I need. To make my trust a black or white thing. Because every time I will choose the light (or white). I’ve been reminded of that so much recently in this time of healing and recuperation (I won’t call it tough because the time with God has been so amazing!), that He is all I need. In the wavering moments, I repeat to myself, I will trust in the Lord. In the sleepless hours I remember what can man do to me? I will not be afraid, in God I trust. In the anxiety I remind myself, that God has proved Himself, whether I need evidence or not, He has more than proved his love for me.
And He is trustworthy…